When does my child's defiance phase begin and what characterises it?
The defiance phase is also known as the autonomy phase and usually occurs from the age of two onwards. It can last up to the age of six. However, this varies from child to child. During this time, your child begins to develop its own will and tries to enforce it. If this isn’t possible, it reacts with anger, defiance and often tears.
But you don't have to worry that you did something wrong. Your little one's behaviour has nothing to do with neglecting or mishandling them. This phase is completely normal and also important for their emotional development. In this they become more self-confident, learn new things and discovers their feelings. Often they can't express them yet, which can be very frustrating. Hunger, thirst, tiredness or the desire to try things out for yourself can also trigger a tantrum.
You can stand by your child during the defiant phase
First of all, it’s important to keep calm in defiant moments. If you take this to heart, you can better implement the following tips, which will help both you and your child.
Don't take the behaviour personally: Your child isn't crying and screaming to annoy you, but because they can't control their emotions yet. Getting carried away can increase their defiance or fear.
Be patient: Your child wants to learn to do things on their own during the autonomy phase. It can sometimes take a little longer until the shoelaces are tied. Surely one or the other item will break. Still, try to let them perform as many actions as possible on their own. This will help your child become more confident.
Say goodbye to excessive rules and prohibitions: As soon as your child is in the autonomy phase, this will have a significant impact on your everyday life. Many rules and prohibitions can lead to children increasingly resisting them in order to impose their will and test the limit to which they can go. However, you should define some basic rules that your darling must comply with, such as for example, that no one should be smacked or bitten. You can explain these to your child in peace.
Be prepared to compromise: Of course, if your child wants to try something that could injure them, their safety comes first. At this point you can firmly say “no”. In order not to offend your child, you can offer them a compromise. For example, they may say that balancing on a ladder hands-free is too dangerous, but that they can practice their balance on the garden wall.
Provide a distraction: In public situations, it can sometimes feel awkward for you to endure your child's tantrum. By providing a distraction, you can make them forget the source of defiance and anger. You can do this, for example, by pointing out an exciting object "Look, that elevator over there" or a noise "I just heard the teddy talking. Did you hear him too?
Don't use violence: No matter how much your child's nagging upsets you, don't shake or lock him or her. Instead, hug them and try to name their emotions with them. This approach helps your child to get to know their feelings and to be able to express themselves more specifically over time.
It helps your child best if you don’t meet their defiance with anger, but with understanding and love. This allows your child to learn most effectively and they will always find your time together positive and appreciative.
