Parents often walk a fine line. On the one hand, it can be lovely that your baby doesn't want to part with you. On the other hand, it is not easy emotionally when your baby starts to cry when you are just a step away. It is important to give your child space. The following tips will help make the temporary goodbye easier emotionally:
- Familiar sounds have a calming effect on children. For example, if you move away from your baby at home, let your baby hear your voice from another room.
- For older children, give them clear, consistent instructions to help ease separation anxiety. For example, if you leave your child with grandparents, clearly state when you will be back. Ensure that you keep to the time you have given. This is how you show your child that you can be relied on and that you will definitely return on time.
- Babies often start to develop separation anxiety when they "suddenly" sleep in their own room. It helps to do this milestone very gradually. For example, you can stay in the children's room during the first few nights and only slowly withdraw after your toddler has fallen asleep.
- In the case of extreme separation anxiety, a second carer should initially stay with the baby. Under no circumstances should a stranger babysit as this could make the situation worse! It is best to slowly and carefully integrate the babysitter into the family. First of all, the babysitter should be present together with the rest of the family for some childcare appointments. Only then should you gradually stay away for a few minutes, then later for a few hours. The child can then feel safer and can slowly get used to the babysitter as a carer.
- Babies and toddlers suffering from separation anxiety should stay in their familiar surroundings for the first few days. This increases the feeling of security, even if a close relative is not there at that time. Sometimes familiar smells or a piece of clothing from the parents also helps to reduce the pain of separation.
- Use their favourite stuffed animal. When mum and dad are away for a while, their most loved stuffed animal can give them security and support.
- Fear is an irrational feeling that comes from the gut. Therefore, adults should not downplay this fear. Instead, the fear can be reduced with trust-building rituals and positive encouragement.
- Sometimes it helps to mentally prepare young children for the upcoming separation. You can talk them through the next few hours and what is going to happen so that they can get a full picture.
- Games help slightly older toddlers to deal with separation anxiety. For example, you can show an item, take it out of sight, and bring it back. The popular game “hide and seek” also helps small children to endure short-term separations. In the beginning, it helps if one parent hides with the child while the other looks.
- If you announce your departure, you should also put it into action. Therefore, try to keep goodbyes short and sweet. Your child will only end up confused when you say goodbye and come back shortly after to offer comfort. This ambiguous message creates insecurity in your child. Instead, try to announce your return when you say goodbye - “I'll be back in one hour”.
- Very important: setbacks are normal, human and absolutely not a problem. Is your child staying at a friend's house and suddenly suffering from severe separation anxiety? In this case, you should pick them up and encourage them. It will work next time. This gives your child additional security that you are always there in an emergency.
- In rare cases, separation anxiety continues into preschool or school age. When children cry for a long time incessantly and do not calm down beyond the separation period, an emotional anxiety disorder may be behind it. In this case, therapeutic support from a child and adolescent psychologist can help. In therapy, the child gradually learns to deal with separation situations and to no longer avoid them.
When it comes to separation anxiety, there is no magic formula
When it comes to separation anxiety, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Because no child reacts like any other. That's why it's important to show sensitivity and give your child space. This is where the rule “small steps” comes in handy by allowing your child to become independent at their own pace. At the same time, you should reflect and recognize your own separation anxiety. Do you find it difficult to leave your baby with grandparents because you can't let go? If you let go of your own worries a little, your child will learn to deal with short-term separations more easily.
