If your toddler doesn’t want to go to school, it may be due to separation anxiety, adjusting to a new sibling, or challenges in the classroom environment. Talking openly, creating goodbye routines, and working with teachers can help children feel secure and develop a positive attitude towards primary school.
Why doesn’t my child want to go to school?
It’s natural for some toddlers to resist going to primary school, especially during the early weeks or after a big change at home. While this can feel worrying as a parent, remember that reluctance to attend school is common and usually temporary. Understanding the reasons behind their feelings is the first step in helping your child adjust.
Common reasons toddlers don’t want to go to school
➤ Separation anxiety
At around 4–5 years old, children may struggle with being apart from parents or caregivers. Having been closely attached to you for years, they may fear losing you when you leave them at school. Over time, they learn that you will return but in the beginning, these feelings can be overwhelming.
➤ A new sibling at home
If a new baby has recently joined the family, your toddler may feel left out. They may worry that while they’re away at school, the baby gets all the attention at home. This sense of exclusion can make them resist going.
➤ Classroom environment
Some children find the hustle and bustle of a busy classroom difficult. Loud noises, new routines, or lots of unfamiliar children can feel overwhelming.
➤ Friendship challenges
Making new friends doesn’t always come easily. Your toddler may feel shy, or worse, they may be teased or even bullied. Teachers are well-placed to observe social interactions and can help address concerns quickly if you share what your child has told you.
How to support your toddler
Supporting your child’s emotional wellbeing is key to helping them settle into school life. Here are some practical steps:
➤ Talk openly about their feelings
Have gentle conversations with your child, ideally at bedtime when they feel calm. Ask about the best and hardest parts of their school day. If they find it tricky to explain, use a cuddly toy or puppet to help them express themselves through play.
➤ Create a positive goodbye routine
A consistent farewell ritual can bring comfort. For example, draw a small heart on the back of both your hands and give it a kiss before you part ways. Your child can look at it during the day and feel reassured that you’re thinking of them.
➤ Give them a comfort object
Allow your child to take a soft toy or small comforter to school (if permitted). This can provide a sense of security in an unfamiliar setting.
➤ Reassure them about pick-up times
Talk clearly about who will collect them and when. Knowing exactly what to expect helps reduce anxiety and builds trust.
➤ Work closely with teachers
Teachers see how your child behaves throughout the school day and can often identify issues that aren’t visible at home. Keep open communication with them to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
Frequently asked questions
Why is my toddler suddenly refusing to go to school?
This can happen after a holiday, illness, or a big change at home. Often it’s a sign of temporary separation anxiety or emotional adjustment rather than a long-term problem.
How can I make school drop-offs easier?
Consistency is key. Develop a short, reassuring goodbye routine, avoid prolonging the farewell, and show confidence in your child’s ability to cope.
When should I worry about my child not wanting to go to school?
If your child’s reluctance lasts more than a few weeks, or if they show signs of extreme distress (such as frequent stomach aches, nightmares, or regression in behaviour), speak with their teacher and your GP for guidance.
How long does it take for toddlers to settle into school?
Every child is different, but most settle within a few weeks. With patience, reassurance, and consistency, your toddler will usually adapt and begin to enjoy school.
It’s perfectly normal for toddlers to resist going to school, but with patience, empathy, and routine, most children adapt quickly. By listening to their concerns, offering reassurance, and working with teachers, you can help your child develop the confidence and security they need to enjoy primary school life.
